3 posts tagged “romance”
I was just over at M.I.L.F's blog, tearing up shit on her post about Wheather Or Not Size Really Matters . Well, somewhere in conversation, we...okay I...went from the penis to the clit since I've never been a size queen. As I started to type on that subject, I had a flood (no pun intended) of ideas that I needed to lay down for the fella's....lhell, some of you ladies too from what I hear....LOL
Oral sex is serious business. Many guys think they know what they are doing but they prove they really don't know "clit". I'm going to tell you the things that yo momma couldn't, you're daddy wouldn't and your girlfriend didn't...ha! I, know, imma bad bitch tonight...ha!
Contrary to popular belief, the road to the clit does not start at the bottom, it starts at the top. Even though, when you get down there, you may moisten things up a bit, no need to start licking on dry pavement. Kiss her for a while and feel around...I'll elaborate on this concept another day.
Now that you've allowed your hands to travel, notice what kind of panties she's wearing. There is nothing cool about giving your woman a wedgie during foreplay or getting your fingers tied up in fabric. If you do it right, she'll simply think you are warming things up when in all actuality, you are feeling out the terrain. You must know your plan of entry. If you can't work it out, don't feel bashful about just taking the sides and sliding them off altogether. You can see how good your kiss was with the panties on the floor.
When you've determined your foreplay is good, you'll know that when you have the urge to take her off of your sheets and lay her ass on a sheet of "Bounty.....The Quicker Picker Upper"....it's time to start taking your trip down south.
I'm aware that some of you smell your food before you eat, but, try to not make that shit so obvious. Believe it or not, that causes some anxiety. A woman may be shower fresh but she is very concerned about what you're thinking. If you don't like what you smell, don't start looking for Glade, hold your breath, kiss the inner thighs and work your way back up. If you really want out of the situation, tell her that it's just too soon for all that and suggest you order pizza......LOL
Let's say it's all to your liking. It's time to begin with a massage. Fella's you are NOT mashing on buttons down there....gentle...gentle and circles are really nice. They don't even have to be wide ones, the clit is not the size of a softball, no need to circle the whole field to get the clit swollen. Now, in you go!
You are face to face and nose to nose with the clit....move in. Little nibbles can be very cool but damn guys, you are not trying to chew it off. When she leaves, she will want to take her clit with her. I know..her hips are moving....well hell yeah, that shit hurts and she's trying to ease the pressure and find a more comfortable position. You are NOT trying to chew the knot out of a shoelace......don't act like it.
Sucking is good too but it's not a straw. Although the clit is small, it has some areas that are more sensitive than others. Listen to your partner. When she says "right there" she means "right there". If you are a real pleaser, it doesn't matter if it feels like your knees are falling asleep....do..not...fucking...MOVE! You shift, you might as well have to start over....damn that!
You've done your job and she's about to climax, let her tell you how much pressure she needs and ride that thing out. If you stay with it, you can probably give her multiples......
Now.....who want's to try?.........LOL!!! Good luck!
I know that some of you are waiting for the daily James Brown update, so before I kick off today's blog, here's the update: He's still dead.
Okay, now, moving forward. Online dating now has gotten to be big business and for many, a way of life. Does that mean you're desperate? No, not necessarily, most adults now are just too busy and the conventional methods of dating have become mundane and unfullfilling.
Not that I'm some kind of expert, but I am perceptive and I see a lot of things daily that show me why online dating is harder for some and not for others, so maybe I can share with you what I've noticed.
Pictures: This is always an issue for me. Why in the hell would someone use their baby picture or some other favorite childhood picture to pick up on someone of the opposite sex? If you think that you looked your best at age 10, you have some issues. I can't speak for the rest of the normal world, but I can say that I, for one, am not enticed by a guy who shows up saying "hey sexy" and his primary picture is him in a sandbox with a lollypop. Women are usually not as guilty of using their own baby pictures rather, using pictures of their kids. Not that there is anything wrong with showcasing your children but if you are able to catch a guy that wants to "holla" when you've approached him with a picture of your 9-year old daughter, I'd hope you'd have enough sense to know that there MIGHT be problems ahead.
Another word on pictures. If you are really trying to connect with someone, why are you using pictures that are 10 years old? If you are serious about meeting someone, don't you think they will notice weight gain, loss or other changes that occur in a 10 year period? Shock and awe tactics are not good in dating.
Sending Messages With Boring Titles - Face it, online dating is marketing. A reasonable "attention getting" subject line that reflects your personality will increase the likelyhood of your message being read. Sending messasges that start off "sup", "hey sexy", "damn you fine" and other over used phrases will put your note at the bottom of the list. Another flatliner that is climbing the ranks as a true dud is "you".
Dumb Ass Messages - I could write a blog on this alone but I'll just contain this to a few sentences as I wish some would when they wrote me. Do not waste someone's time writing a note that says just "hey", "sup", "wut it do", "hi". One word messages are a delete waiting to happen . You want people to waste their time trying to pull conversation out of YOU when you've approached them? Are you that fuckin fine that someone needs to try and get in YOUR head just because you said "sup"? You've lost yo rabbit ass mind.
If you are interested, don't take the position that "I'll just send somethy. ing and see if he/she writes back". Newsflash! Chances are good that if you send something with no substance, they won't. Bring your "A" game, not your little league one.
Thinking That Being FINE Is Enough - Baaaaby, let me tell you something. God don't like ugly and ain't to crazy about pretty. Statistically, most online daters are a little older and out of the club scene. What does that mean? It means that most of us have done "Fine" already and are interested in substance. Sure, "Fine" may get you in the door but let me tell you something, even if you make it in the door, you have to be able to stay in the room.
Another statistic to keep in mind is that in the online dating arena, the ratio of men to women is about 2:1. What does that mean? That means that women have more of a selection than men. Men, you are competing for these women wheather you want to believe it or not so handle yourself accordingly. If being "Fine" is all you have to offer, you're in deep trouble. Ladies, even though there are more men than women around, don't think that just because you "got it going on" that you are irreplaceable, you're not. Don't think you're Gods gift....gifts can surely be returned to the store.
Be Open - This, I think is the most important. Make sure you have pictures of the real you up. When you have a profile with no pictures, people automatically think you have something to hide, like wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyfriends.
It's important to understand that although it may seem insignificant, you're profile is what people notice first about you. A person is not nosey by reading statement from your friends or what others have had to say about you. It's usually good indication of what you have going on in your life. If your profile screams "game" it will be really dificult to establish trust. If your shit is on the level, then why hide. Sure, there are more excuses for hiding than a felon going to jail but the reality is, if you have drama, you are involved. Don't make the assumption that people are stupid, many live by the cliche "belive none of what you hear and half of what you see", the half we see can really mess up your chances. If you are "keeping it real" then don't just say it. Do it.
Lastly but certainly not least, do not make the error that in order to catch the attention of that hottie online that you must provide unsolicited pictures of your genetalia. Unless there is some major medical issue, by design, all men have penises and all woman have vaginas. Unless yours speaks a foreign language or can clean house, being well hung or perfectly shaved does not make you a keeper.....LOL
If I had not watched all of this happen, and someone told me this story, I'd have thought for sure that it was made up. Well, it's not and since it turned out to be rather funny, I'll let you in on it.
I was at work and one of the girls brought the mail over from the front desk. Well, I thumb through it and I noticed that she missed a piece that belonged to her. For the purpose of this story, I'll call her Murphy (this woman rocks, she has a Murphy Brown quality about her, that's why I chose that name). Anyway, I'm at one end of the office and she's at the other. I walk the piece of mail over to Murphy and go back to my
Interesting so far huh?....LOLdesk. Not even a minute later, I hear whar originally sounded like crying but it quickly dawned on me that she was really laughing her ass off. There was no muffled laughter but just a huge outburst of hysterical giggles. It turns out that Murphy had received a Christmas card from a guy that she dates. Now, she and ... ohhh ... we'll call him Bill...lol, date casually when he's in town, it's no biggie...at least not to Murphy.
Bill was kind enough to write Murphy a break-up note inside of the Christmas card. It was not a catty note but one of those "it's not you it's me" bullshit things. He goes one and on about how he thought he was ready for something serious but wasn't and yadda yadda. The more Murphy read, the harder she laughed. She really was under the impression that they were just "dating" and not "exclusively" so needless to say, she had not been turning down any dates. My suggestion to her was to send him a "Thank You" card..........postage due....lmfao! I liked the idea more than she did...ha!
The only thing that is more fucked up than breaking up with someone in a Christmas card is doing it via e-mail.....I hope he gets a clue in his stocking for Christmas.......lol!!!!
