3 posts tagged “men”
I know that some of you are waiting for the daily James Brown update, so before I kick off today's blog, here's the update: He's still dead.
Okay, now, moving forward. Online dating now has gotten to be big business and for many, a way of life. Does that mean you're desperate? No, not necessarily, most adults now are just too busy and the conventional methods of dating have become mundane and unfullfilling.
Not that I'm some kind of expert, but I am perceptive and I see a lot of things daily that show me why online dating is harder for some and not for others, so maybe I can share with you what I've noticed.
Pictures: This is always an issue for me. Why in the hell would someone use their baby picture or some other favorite childhood picture to pick up on someone of the opposite sex? If you think that you looked your best at age 10, you have some issues. I can't speak for the rest of the normal world, but I can say that I, for one, am not enticed by a guy who shows up saying "hey sexy" and his primary picture is him in a sandbox with a lollypop. Women are usually not as guilty of using their own baby pictures rather, using pictures of their kids. Not that there is anything wrong with showcasing your children but if you are able to catch a guy that wants to "holla" when you've approached him with a picture of your 9-year old daughter, I'd hope you'd have enough sense to know that there MIGHT be problems ahead.
Another word on pictures. If you are really trying to connect with someone, why are you using pictures that are 10 years old? If you are serious about meeting someone, don't you think they will notice weight gain, loss or other changes that occur in a 10 year period? Shock and awe tactics are not good in dating.
Sending Messages With Boring Titles - Face it, online dating is marketing. A reasonable "attention getting" subject line that reflects your personality will increase the likelyhood of your message being read. Sending messasges that start off "sup", "hey sexy", "damn you fine" and other over used phrases will put your note at the bottom of the list. Another flatliner that is climbing the ranks as a true dud is "you".
Dumb Ass Messages - I could write a blog on this alone but I'll just contain this to a few sentences as I wish some would when they wrote me. Do not waste someone's time writing a note that says just "hey", "sup", "wut it do", "hi". One word messages are a delete waiting to happen . You want people to waste their time trying to pull conversation out of YOU when you've approached them? Are you that fuckin fine that someone needs to try and get in YOUR head just because you said "sup"? You've lost yo rabbit ass mind.
If you are interested, don't take the position that "I'll just send somethy. ing and see if he/she writes back". Newsflash! Chances are good that if you send something with no substance, they won't. Bring your "A" game, not your little league one.
Thinking That Being FINE Is Enough - Baaaaby, let me tell you something. God don't like ugly and ain't to crazy about pretty. Statistically, most online daters are a little older and out of the club scene. What does that mean? It means that most of us have done "Fine" already and are interested in substance. Sure, "Fine" may get you in the door but let me tell you something, even if you make it in the door, you have to be able to stay in the room.
Another statistic to keep in mind is that in the online dating arena, the ratio of men to women is about 2:1. What does that mean? That means that women have more of a selection than men. Men, you are competing for these women wheather you want to believe it or not so handle yourself accordingly. If being "Fine" is all you have to offer, you're in deep trouble. Ladies, even though there are more men than women around, don't think that just because you "got it going on" that you are irreplaceable, you're not. Don't think you're Gods gift....gifts can surely be returned to the store.
Be Open - This, I think is the most important. Make sure you have pictures of the real you up. When you have a profile with no pictures, people automatically think you have something to hide, like wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyfriends.
It's important to understand that although it may seem insignificant, you're profile is what people notice first about you. A person is not nosey by reading statement from your friends or what others have had to say about you. It's usually good indication of what you have going on in your life. If your profile screams "game" it will be really dificult to establish trust. If your shit is on the level, then why hide. Sure, there are more excuses for hiding than a felon going to jail but the reality is, if you have drama, you are involved. Don't make the assumption that people are stupid, many live by the cliche "belive none of what you hear and half of what you see", the half we see can really mess up your chances. If you are "keeping it real" then don't just say it. Do it.
Lastly but certainly not least, do not make the error that in order to catch the attention of that hottie online that you must provide unsolicited pictures of your genetalia. Unless there is some major medical issue, by design, all men have penises and all woman have vaginas. Unless yours speaks a foreign language or can clean house, being well hung or perfectly shaved does not make you a keeper.....LOL
Oh okay...it goes like this. I allowed myself to be talked into persuing or meeting new potential partners online. Since I'm so picky, it's winter (I hate going out in the winter) and I'm picky...no that was not an accidental repeat. I figured, "Okay, what the hell?" "What do I have to lose?" Well the answer to the first question is still open but the second one has been duly answered. What's the answer you ask...? I'm glad you did. The answer to "What do I have to lose?" My patience and my sanity....LOL
Before I go on my tirade, I have met some super cool people that I've talked to and write to. So, not everyone is a total wash, I'm making some killer friends in the process. That said. What has started out as "stepping out of the box" for me has become something that is mimicking a science experiment. After a few conversations or text chats with some of these guys, I am thoroughly convinced that I'm dealing with individuals with mutated genes. I know, that was harsh but when a guy states that he's "looking for that special person to spend his time with", then his second question is directly related to my favorite sexual position, I conclude there is a problem.
I am a crazy magnet anyway, so if there is guy out there that has no manners, less sense and zero social skills, I've met him. No, he's not my ideal, but we've crossed paths, that's for sure. The ones I really enjoy are the ones who decide that I'm their woman and we're having babies in the first chat conversation. Is it me or does that SCREAM issues? Just wondering.
I further enjoy the notes and letters that say "You're hot, let's meet." Ummmmm.....no?! I may exude an air of being ready to settle into a long term relationship but I do not ooze of putrid desperation. What makes someone think for a minute that a woman would just run across a state or two to meet some guy based on a poorly formed "hello" note? Do people really do that?? For cryin out loud, I hope not.
Finally, I have to say that the group of people who drive me the most insane are the "tasters". Why do I call them tasters?? It's because they've never "had" ... "tried"...."done" or "tasted" a black woman....*cracks head on keyboard*. I am not opposed to people being honest about never having been involved in an interracial relationship or encounter....I'm just opposed to those who make statements that make black women look like food.
Each day I become more and more convinced that people THINK they know what they want but in all reality they have no damn clue. Oh sure, they articulate what sounds ideal but when you get down to brass tax, nothing could be further from the truth.
I hear men who say they want an "independent" woman. From my personal experience, I am thinking that nothing could be further from the truth. They want a woman how is mildly independent but in all actuality not so independent that they truthful don't need a man at all, they want one. In my experience, when a woman is totally independent and the man is unsure how to handle her, he says that she's "selfish", "detached", "cold" and my favorite, "spoiled". None of those could be further from the truth. A woman who is truly independent wants a partner in her life to share experiences she's already defined her self worth and is not looking for a man to do that for her, therefore his ego tends to suffer.
I also hear and read men who claim they want "no games" and "no drama". HA!! Did I mention HA!? What they mean is they don't want anyone to play games or cause drama with THEM! Simultaneously they are out collecting every non game playing, no drama having woman on the net and in real life they can find. I am seeing that men who claim to want no drama or games are actually looking for groups of women that can be manipulated from the heart. If a man truly wants no drama or games, he just won't cause any or play any, it will show more in his actions and not in his words.
I don't know, maybe it's me being a bit jaded but I deal with enough people on a regular basis to cite examples of each instance that I've mentioned. Ahh just some more of my mindless ramblings, it is what it is.
